Sixteen Candles

So just to kick today off I thought I would just start off where I was about 10 minutes ago, before I rolled out of bed to write this blog. Let me tell you though I am really tired and hope I don't pass out as I write this. But, I want to talk today about something that has been on my mind on and off since I was sixteen years old. I mentioned in an early post that my childhood wasn't the best I could have asked for, but I had one. Which brings me to why I have rolled out of bed to explain my current thoughts. So let the breakdown of my thoughts begin...

Ten Minutes Ago...

Upstairs there is a family, which consists of a mom, dad, and two sons. I wont mention their names cause I don't honestly feel that their names are important in the case of stating my emotions and opinions. Though the oldest son is celebrating his birthday today. It dawns on me on a random basis that my childhood is gone. Sometimes I feel jealousy toward other younger children, especially the ones smiling and having the times of their life. Now I don't assume their life is perfect or is better than mine. I do assume though being that they are clean, they look healthy and they are carrying a couple bags of clothes and a Build-a-Bear. Well I assume that their house is pretty normal.

I am now nineteen if you don't know this already. In a couple of months I will be twenty, and to me that means I'm an adult. I never considered myself an adult when I was eighteen as most do, because I still had the teen at the end of my number. This all changes in February, and to me I will officially be an adult. I find this fact to be a shock being as I always thought I was Peter Pan. "I'm never going to grow up!"

I had a psychologist tell me once that I was very mature for my age, and I once told her how I feel right now when I was seventeen. She looked me in the eyes and told me that most people don't realize this feeling until they are in their late twenties to thirties. I guess realizing something at such a young age is a good thing. Yes I get depressed by it, but I know I am still young enough to be a child again. Which goes to another topic...

Earlier Today...

Vanessa and I decide to go to Lagoon. For me it's pretty exciting cause I haven't really left the house that often since my car accident. Lagoon for me is a fun place and it brings me back to when my mom took me when I was younger. Lagoon isn't the best park in the world, it doesn't have some of the best rides in the country. Though what is doesn't lack is history, in both ways for the park and for the individual. Almost anyone who was born and raised in Utah has been there and has great memories there. I know I have a lot with my mom, but who wouldn't with a mom as awesome as mine. (Love ya mom!)

Anyway, I've made this new rule that when I go to Lagoon I have to ride the kiddie rides. Yeah I'm one of those people where parents stare at me weird and sometimes get upset cause their kid had to wait one person longer for the Dino-Drop. I guess I'm just trying to rewind time, make sure that I can hopefully fill in the blank memories of my childhood. So yeah, I rode Puff The Magic Dragon, Dino-Drop, Jumping Dragon, and maybe a couple other rides.

Honestly people it all comes down to living your life. You can be that parent who looks at me angry, or you can be that parent who looks at me and laughs. I'm sure there are even some of those people who look at me and wish they had the enthusiasm and just all around good spirt to do the things I do. Life is about two things: Making mistakes and learning from them, and having a little bit of fun every now and then. Who cares what people think of you. As I see it I don't know them, I don't care what is running through their mind. I have MY LIFE, and I can choose how I want to live it.

So I just want to thank Vanessa for being another one of those people who don't really care and just live it to the fullest. Without her there, or really anyone that was THAT close to me, I would have probably looked more like a psycho. With her it allows people to consider that maybe I am sane cause she is behaving in the same ways. Also to my mom, because without her I wouldn't be here today. She has helped me with a lot of tough stuff since I moved back to Utah, I'm sure without her love and support I would be hiding under a rock still.

VogueXTC